just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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