u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
