she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
