I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
