I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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