I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
