I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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