I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
