I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
