did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
