do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
