He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
