The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
