Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
