Pants 0. Shit 1.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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