I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
