part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
