You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
