Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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