it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
