I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
