I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
