This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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