Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
