i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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