Where are you?
In a non slutty way
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
