i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
