Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
