I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
