is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
