Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
