so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
this hospital has no fireball
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
