Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
