My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
