I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
