don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
