Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
