The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
so much tequila, so little girl.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
