I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
