Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
