found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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