Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The uberlube is also flammable
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
