So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
