Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
