I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
