True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
