I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
