You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i came on her dog
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
