whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
