i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Still dying that you shit outside
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
