The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
