$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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