so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
