There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
